Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other couples, and to practice these principles in all aspects of our lives, our relationships, and our families.
Step Twelve, Recovering Couples Anonymous
In 12-Step meetings we share our experience, strength, and hope about our recovery as a way of carrying the message about recovery from addiction to the alcoholic/addict who still suffers. By telling our story of what our life was like before we stopped drinking and using and what our life has become in recovery, we let newcomers know there is a solution to the problem of addiction and we support each other to remain committed to recovery.
I wish there were more willingness among those of us in good relationships to share the experience, strength, and hope about this part of recovery. What I have heard in meetings about relationships tends to be either how difficult and unhappy they are or a general statement about being in a good relationship without any details about what makes the relationship a good one or what the person has done to get to that place. I think it would be helpful if those of us in happy, loving relationships were more willing to talk about what we have learned and what we have done in recovery to develop and maintain such relationships.
This is an important way of carrying the message to the alcoholic/addict who still suffers because almost all of us are either in fairly dysfunctional relationships or no relationship before we surrender and begin the process of recovery. It is so helpful when we are struggling with that First Step and the implications it has for our lives to hear people talk about the possibility of being in a truly loving relationship when clean and sober.
It is also an important way of carrying the message to those of us in recovery who are struggling to learn what a healthy relationship is and how to go about achieving it. Sharing this kind of information is vital to our sobriety, because failed or failing relationships are one of the primary reasons people relapse or continue to be unhappy even though they are clean and sober. It is also vital to the health of our relationship because it helps remind us of the ongoing effort we must make to maintain the open, positive relationship with our partner that we treasure and that contributes so deeply to our continued sobriety.
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When I had about 10 years sobriety, I realized that something was definitely missing. So I grabbed a good AA friend and started attending Al-Anon. I was not in a relationship at the time but figured I qualified for Al-Anon since I had plenty of alcoholic friends (mostly in the rooms of AA)plus I was raised by a father who seems to display a lot of ACOA traits, although he vehemently denies having an alcoholic father.
From the get-go I felt like I had found a home in Al-Anon, even more so than I felt in AA. The meetings really addressed my codependent behaviors. And I continue to read and apply Al-Anon, and most recently, CoDa principles to my life. The results have truly been amazing and I have had the "spiritual awakening" spoken of in the 12th step of any 12 step recovery program. Not that AA did not provide an "awakening", but it was a more subtle, progressive, type of spiritual growth.
Al-Anon suggests that you have AT THE VERY LEAST one good solid year of AA recovery under your belt before attending their meetings, since listening to Al-Anon members share can be very distressing to some AA members who might tend to personalize what they hear at Al-Anon meetings.
I've heard it said that AA takes care of our alcohol problem and Al-Anon takes care of the rest. Thanks for all the great posts.
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