When we "make a decision" we are committing ourselves to our spiritual life, committing to placing that at the center of our lives, as the guiding principle.
Kevin Griffin, One Breath at a Time
Just as sobriety is so much easier to attain and sustain when our spiritual life is the guiding principle of our recovery (there are, in fact, people who get sober and stay sober without a spiritual program; but the majority of them remain pretty uptight people), so developing a happy and healthy relationship in recovery is much more easily done when a couple places their spiritual life at the center of their relationship. This was certainly true for S and I. During our first few years together, we spent many hours talking to each other about our spiritual experiences, reading to each other from the spiritual books that had shaped us, and putting our spiritual beliefs into action together. About 15 years ago, we made a decision to pray together each night just before going to sleep. This past year we made a commitment to meditate together each morning before breakfast. Our relationship would be much less satisfying for both of us if it did not rest on a strong spiritual foundation.
Despite my own experience with the power of putting our spiritual life at the center of our relationship, I have been reluctant to strongly encourage my clients to do this. I'm not sure why that is true. Maybe it has something to do with my strong distaste for any kind of spiritual proselytizing, which in turn has something to do with the damage done to my spiritual self by my childhood church experiences. I do know that for many people, particularly alcoholics and addicts, their nascent spiritual life can be harmed if it is perceived as being treated roughly. There is good reason for the phrase as we understood Him to appear both times God is mentioned in the 12 Steps. Maybe someone out there has an idea or two about how I might encourage couples to put their spiritual life at the center of their relationship without coming off as someone who is "pushing religion" or being harmful in some other way.
In his chapter on Step 3, Kevin Griffin goes on to say the following: In Buddhism, the "decision" to commit ourselves to our spiritual growth is called Right Intention. This means "making a decision" to try to live a life based on the principles of compassion, awareness, and openness. These are excellent principles for any couple in recovery to live by. Compassion for your partner when he or she is in a negative frame of mind, awareness of your partner when he or she is struggling with some problem, and openness to being influenced by your partner are essential elements for a mutually satisfying relationship. The more we can live by these principles in our closest relationships, the more "sober", balanced, and delightful they will be.
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